全程指导: 故事线与选材
难度: 加速
给你的故事线加点“理性思考”
棕榈微课之选材料和故事线（二）
编写：孙丽康
三流的文章只有经历堆砌，像简历；二流的文章有经历，并总结自己在其中展现的品质。一流的文章，写自己的经历，总结过程中体现出来的品质，还有每个人生选择和探索中对自身或行业的思考感悟。能把三条线自然糅合在一起，就能更加让人感受到其浓厚的专业兴趣，还有独一无二的品格，思索，和未来发展潜力。录取官想听到你的insights！
案例精析：
一．研究生继续本专业，研究领域探索
本文作者本科上海交通大学材料专业，研究生申请斯坦福材料系。
本文层层递进，娓娓道来，首先谈到自己做工程师的职业选择，如何在广泛的材料研究中确立做能源材料的具体方向，如何在更深入广泛的研究中进一步加深对该领域的认识，结合现实和自身的一系列思考，最终确立以能源材料为奋斗目标。结尾谈及美国斯坦福大学研究生项目对自己实现目标的帮助。
逻辑严密，衔接圆润，尤其是四个小标题，一目了然，又层层深入，极大地帮助读者最短时间内理清文章思路。非常善用逻辑词和衔接词，描写研究经历时候一波三折，用实例让读者感受到作者的研究能力和专业兴趣发展，真实可信。娓娓道来，每段经历都充分嵌套了作者对本领域的思考，和过程中学习到的知识，展现的能力，具体详实，而不是泛泛而谈。作者不仅带读者重新走过他的探索之路，也说服了读者他是个敢于创新，有社会责任感，能持之以恒的申请者。
故事线：
开头：开门见山：MSE-能源材料是自己想主攻的方向。
奠定全文基调：本科学材料是一生中最明智的选择。
Deciding to become an engineer
讲述自己如何通过本科相关课程确立做工程师的职业目标。
Identifying a proper research area
通过RA经历得到的新发现，作者转而研究能源材料，从而确立自己真正的兴趣。
Entering the field of energy materials
本段承接上段对能源材料的认识，找到了自己研究的更加具体的细分方向，非常有逻辑地阐述了自己在本研究中的两个尝试，具体的研究发现，未来研究的计划。
Clarifying my career goal
对现实社会中能源问题的关注激发作者研究下一代新能源的目标。
Why Target University
讲述为什么选择**大学材料系，表达自己一定会在研究生学习中同样成功。
故事线：
P1: 开头：Material Science and Engineering (MSE) -- energy materials -- serves as the beacon that guides my future activities and goals. 开门见山：MSE-能源材料是自己想主攻的方向。
P2: The study of Material Science and Technology could no longer be separated from other facets of my life. 奠定全文基调：本科学材料是一生中最明智的选择。
Deciding to become an engineer
P3: To serve as a bridge between scientific discoveries and practical applications in order to meet the needs of society. Thus engineering became my choice of profession. 讲述自己如何通过本科相关课程确立做工程师的职业目标。
Identifying a proper research area
P4: I began my initial scientific research… finally succeeded… However, from participating… I learned that there is still a huge gap between …Therefore …I shifted my research focus to energy materials, where I found my interest really lies. 通过RA经历得到的新发现，作者转而研究能源材料，从而确立自己真正的兴趣。
Entering the field of energy materials 小标题起到很好的总结和梳理作用
P5: In recent years, conflicts …. With the consideration in mind, I joined …organized a group … I successfully …Besides this, I learned that the main challenge faced …从大的材料研究领域进入到更精确的（也是跟所申请项目更相关）的energy material领域，结合现实需要，谈到自己选择了一个相关的方向并成功，这段研究经历锻炼了领导力，自学能力，还有自身对专业领域的理解和认识。
P6: I found my own point of entry: to combine kinetic and thermodynamic analyses. On one hand…on the other hand... I have already discovered …for further investigation, I would like …. 本段承接上段对能源材料的认识，找到了自己研究的更加具体的细分方向，非常有逻辑地阐述了自己在本研究中的两个尝试，具体的研究发现，还有未来研究的计划。
Clarifying my career goal
P7: … with these aims I would like to devote myself to the development of the next generation of energy materials. 对现实社会中能源问题的关注激发作者研究下一代新能源的目标。
P 8: The school of MSE at Stanford University …focus on energy materials. 讲述为什么选择斯坦福材料系，表达自己一定会在研究生学习中同样成功。
全文点评：
An Ideal is a beacon; without an ideal to strive towards, there is no secure orientation. Material Science and Engineering (MSE) -- or to be more specific, energy materials -- serves as the beacon that guides my future activities and goals. Introduction部分：文章的第一段，也是文章最重要的一段。你应该尝试用第一段甚至第一句话去吸引读者的眼球，让读者有读下去进一步了解你的欲望。 Introduction最重要的是要"Get to the point", or "Jump Right In"。千万不要浪费语句写一些诸如“My journey toward graduate school has been shaped by a variety of experiences, including academic studies, volunteer work, and extracurricular activities". 这是很多学生很容易犯的错误，这样的话千万不要出现在Introduction部分。本文作者用一句简单的话开头，清晰地表明了自己的职业目标，简洁明了，直奔主题。
When I graduated from high school, the field of MSE was quite new for me. My initial motive for majoring in this field stemmed from the fact that the MSE school at Shanghai Jiao Tong University ranked 1st in the nation, and I was eager to be engaged in such fierce academic competition. As time passed I realized that this decision was perhaps the wisest one I had ever made; the study of Material Science and Technology could no longer be separated from other facets of my life. 之后又简单描述了自己最初进入这个领域的动力(initial motivation)，引领全文。
Deciding to become an engineer
After enrolling in Shanghai Jiao Tong University, I found myself fascinated by courses such as ‘Methods in Mathematical Physics’, ‘Microcomputer Technique and Application’, etc., which focused more on multiple applications than on theories. In the ‘Computing Material Science’ class, I never missed an opportunity to gain access to the computer center after class; there was a great sense of achievement after each challenging task had been accomplished. It was then that I understood the essence of engineering: to serve as a bridge between scientific discoveries and practical applications in order to meet the needs of society. Thus engineering became my choice of profession.从一个high-level的层面讲述自己为何选择Engineering这条路。
Identifying a proper research area
Having settled on a profession, I needed to identify an area of research that would suit my interest and abilities. Material seemed a logical choice as a subject of investigation; materials are not always what they look like; it is their micro-mechanisms and micro-structures that determine their properties and performance. Thus, in order to more closely observe the inner world of materials, I served as a Research Assistant in the Research Institute of Micro/Nano Science and Technology; there I began my initial scientific research, which was a project focusing on growing nanotubes on the surface of charcoal in the application of water purification. After a six-month-endeavor, during which we tried different combinations of parameters like temperature, pH value and reaction time in the growth of nanotubes, our group finally succeeded in raising the absorption capacity towards heavy metal ions, as expected. However, from participating in this project I learned that there is still a huge gap between scientific research in nanotechnologies and the application of this research in our daily life. Therefore, when this project came to a conclusion, I shifted my research focus to energy materials, where I found my interest really lies. 娓娓道来自己如何选择了材料工程这个专业。首句承上启下，逻辑清晰。作者用了很多Transition的语句，例如Thus, After, However, Therefore, 全段一气呵成，逻辑性很强。这种逻辑性不仅表现在文章每一段的内部，也表现在段与段之间。从内容上讲，这一段非常具体地描述了自己的研究经历(be specific)，也写明了自己从这段经历中获得了什么，自然地为文章的下一段埋下伏笔(I learned that there is a huge gap between…. )。
Entering the field of energy materials
In recent years, conflicts between the desire for economic benefits – which seems infinite -- and the scarcity of resources have become more pronounced so that the development of new kinds of clean and sustainable energy materials is urgent. With the consideration in mind, I joined the Light Alloy Net Forming National Engineering Research Center and organized a group concentrating on the optimization of the hydrogen storage material system. Due to my initiative and independent learning skills, I successfully became the first undergraduate project leader in the center. Before engaging in laboratory work, I taught myself Solid State Physics and Computational Material Science, which contained a lot of basic but crucial theories about future work. Besides this, through preparatory work I learned that the main challenge faced at this point was raising the capacity of storing hydrogen safely and efficiently in a solid state. 从general的材料研究领域进入到更specific（也是跟所申请项目更相关）的energy material领域，承上启下，开始讲自己的另一段研究经历。这里作者用了一些表明自己主动性的词例如“organized a group”,“initiative and independent learning”,也用了表明自己独特性的词例如“the first undergraduate project leader”。大家在写这些研究经历时，除了要注意Be specific, 还要善于归纳总结，这段经历表现了自己的哪些能力，这段经历如何表现自己的主动性和独特性。作者最后又通过“I learned that”一句总结了自己从这段经历中学到了什么。
Although most researchers were merely focusing on the kinetic aspects of hydrogen absorption, I found my own point of entry: to combine, in the simulation, kinetic and thermodynamic analyses. On one hand, I attempted to make close comparisons between thermodynamic parameters in different transition-element doped magnesium systems (including energies, band structures, densities of states, etc.); on the other hand, I was also trying to simulate the dissociation and diffusion progress of the H2 molecule, aiming at comparing and analyzing the absorption capacities based on their transition states. According to my current results, I have already discovered an approximate relationship between different doping elements and their storage capacities; for further investigation, I would like to refine that relation with the support of more parallel computing data before finally working out a suitable proportion for the ideal hydrogen storage material system. 以“Although”开头进一步描述自己的研究经历，这一句不仅承上启下，而且表明了自己的研究想法与别人的不同，进一步展现了自己的独特性。同时又用“I discovered”这种主动性很强的语句表明了自己的研究结果，还进一步阐述了自己未来感兴趣的研究方向，让读者感到作者对自己研究领域的认识十分成熟独到。
Clarifying my career goal
During this period of study and research, I felt deeply that it is quite urgent that renewable and sustainable energy materials should be developed and improved in response to the needs of modern society and emerging ecological concerns. From my point of view, high efficiency as well as stability and a large storage capacity at low cost lie at the heart of the advances in energy materials. These are objectives that lead me to further research, and with these aims I would like to devote myself to the development of the next generation of energy materials. For this reason, and in order to pursue incremental changes and further breakthroughs, I am applying to the school of MSE at the Stanford University. 之前的研究经历很自然地引导到Career Goal这一段，非常清晰地描述了自己的职业发展目标。
The school of MSE at Stanford University is ranked among the top graduate schools in the United States. In addition to your distinguished faculty and advanced courses, what particularly attracts me is your research focus on energy materials. My interest in this project does not simply stem from my former research experience in hydrogen storage; I also think that you may help me to obtain a better comprehension of the ‘postulation, research, refine’ experimental routine that applies to the development of new materials; this understanding will be crucial in realizing my career goal. Accordingly, I look forward to participating in your metals research projects, and I believe that my initiative, perseverance, and independence will help to achieve my future success in your program and thereafter. 将自己的研究经历与所申请的Program相结合，描述自己为什么要申请Stanford这个program，这个program对自己以后的职业发展将起到什么作用。注意一定要将自己的经历与职业发展目标与学校Program本身的特色和培养目标联系起来。Conclusion是文章除了Introduction以外第二重要的段落，它的作用在于给读者留下一个last impression，你要做的就是如何给读者留下一个很好的且可以保持的印象。在conclusion中，你要在自己整篇文章的经历基础上，提炼出你的point，不要做简单的summary，要做一定的提炼与升华。